Every so often I get struck by those moments where I start to wonder whether or not I've made the right decisions. Not in anything in particular, just on the whole. I get very worried that maybe I've taken the wrong path somewhere along the line and that's going to make life difficult in the future. I'm in one of those moments today. I'm second guessing everything and feeling terribly worried. It's not about work, no, I'm certain I made the right decision there and I have a new job now, so I'm happy in that.

I'll be working with fantastic people at a fantastic place, doing what I love. Back to working with books again, but earning good money and having fun whilst doing it. It's a bit of everything and more of an educational based store, so I'm looking forward to it.

I guess I'm more thinking about my relationship at the moment. It's been great. I can't fault it. My family loves the Boy and the Boy's family seem to like me (or at least I hope they do). I'm just driving myself crazy because, as it always goes, you get a ton more attention when you're dating than when you're single. And I have been getting a few expressions of interest here and there and whilst I try not to doubt myself I have a feeling that some of them just stem from the fact that I, at present am the unattainable. But there's some that seem legit. And it's really, really hard. These are fantastic people. People I'd love to get to know and people that if circumstances were different I could really see myself falling for.

I don't trust myself and that's the big problem. And I tried to explain this to the Boy, but he seemed to think it was the sort of thing I was just overreacting about and if that's how he wants to see it, then fine. If it makes him happy. It's making me miserable. I haven't been out and about in a while. Not with the girls and for a while I thought it was because of the absence of female friends in my life, but it's really not. It's because I can't go out and enjoy those nights the way I used to. I always have to be on my guard and even going out looking hot, seems like a crime. The Boy doesn't enjoy going out as much as I do. The age difference means he's had his wild crazy years but I'm still living mine. And I'm unable to enjoy them. And it sucks. It's not his fault. It's not anyone's fault. But I hate it.